Squeegee Sara

Why do I say self-deprecating things in hopes that other people will give me compliments? Why do I do it desperately some of the time and don't give a rat's ass the rest of the time?

Also, here's a guy who works at WalMart who looks like an Asian version of Robert Pattinson, and as thus has the Edward effect on me everytime I see him. Today I told him I think he looks like Robert Pattinson, and I'm pretty sure he now thinks I am completely insane.

I really suck at updating.

Anyway...

Work is stupid but really fun. It was so dead tonight that we just goofed around I loved it.

In other news, I started a burlesque class two weeks ago. It is so much fun. First class we learned the many, sexy ways of taking off gloves. Second class, it was taking off stockings. I didn't find a garter belt in time, so I just had to pretend I was doing it, but it was still fun. Jackie is a great teacher, she makes everybody feel really comfortable. This weeks class is "hiding" (in our underwear) behind parasols and fans. The people in my class seem like people I could be really good friends with. I guess you have to be pretty awesome to have the guts to do burlesque in the first place.

Why can't I stop listening to the Veronicas (aren't they for 15 year olds?) or La Roux?

If I can finish getting my tuition paid off, I'm hoping to go back to school in January. Thinking of changing my degree to drama. Still gonna take the linguistics courses though.

So I probably can't go back to school this fall because I still haven't paid last year's tuition, which I have to do a fee appeal on anyway, because I dropped them almost immediately after the term started, but I can't remember what class sections I was in or even what classes I registered for.

If I can't register, that means I'm probably going to lose my student insurance, which means I won't be able to afford my prescriptions.

And WalMart makes me mad because they made some guy a Customer Service Manager today when he has only worked there for two weeks.

And it's going to be years before I am anything but a lowly cashier making $10.00/hr which is NOT ENOUGH TO DO ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!

I have

chronic major depressive disorder

with general and specific anxieties including

hoarding, insomnia, obsessive shopping, agoraphobia, muscle ticks,

and autistic tendencies, including

synesthesia, lack of social awareness

I hate myself

We got notice a few days ago that we have to move out of our house before September. House hunting is fun, but it's stressful to feel displaced and to not know what your plan. We can't decide if we want to find something smaller for just the two of us or something bigger and have roommates. We have had very good people living with us, but I'm tired of having roommates in general.

I've been a cashier at WalMart for almost a month now, and I'm very proud of myself. Haven't missed a single day of work! I've been functioning much better at home too. I'm starting to get my life back.

I feel like I know myself a little more each day.

I'm modelling in the Academy of Fashion Design annual fashion show today. At first I didn't want to do anymore shows for a while, but Kristy (swimsuit designer) convinced me. Anyway, it should be fun as long as I bring something to do, as there is usually a lot of waiting going on.

Went to see the musical "Cats" yesterday with my mom and aunts. It was awesome. Made me want to come home and huggle my kitties!

I looked up an old friend of mine that I'm kind of estranged from. There was a link to her blog, and in some of her entries she talked about how fun it was when we were working together at Traeger's Bakery and Tea Room. I miss her so much, and I don't know how to fix it.

One of my old poems.

Goodbye

I watch the station

And your face

As it leaves

It looks so much farther away

Than it really is

I hold on to my umbrella

In the dusty wind

The heat means nothing

I feel so cold

I know you're never coming back

You told me you loved me

But I guess it just wasn't enough

To make you stay with me

I know you're gone forever

I smooth my wide white dress

Now speckled with sandy hail

And tears come to my eyes

Slide silently down my face

I wonder if anyone will notice

My makeup has run

I wrestle with selfish feelings

Of guilt

Insufficiency

Inadequacy

The worst is knowing

I will never meet your eyes again

And the feeling

Hurting my throat

Slides into my heart

And remains

The original version.

The translation.

So awesome :3

The tentative title for the book series I'm writing is "Aurora", the name of the main character. I can't decide what I want to do to distinguish between each of the books. I could give every one a completely different name, like the Twilight or Narnia series, or go "Aurora and the..." like the Harry Potter series. I'm more leaning toward "Aurora: somethingsomething" just using a colon. But I'm not sure.

Anyway, I had fun yesterday making "Dollz" of some of the main characters in the series on http://dollzmania.com/ . The site is awesome. The only problem I had was that some of the character makers don't have alot of "normal" clothes - it's all themes and formal and punk stuff, and most of my characters wouldn't wear anything like that, because they're just normal kids going to school. They have their own styles, but generally nothing really far out. Also, alot of the makers that had good clothes didn't have the right hairstyles. So that was a challenge, but I think I ended up with a couple that I was happy with.

Aurora1

This is the outfit that I thought would fit Aurora best, however the hair is not exactly right.

Aurora2

This hairstyle displays more of the soft curliness that I imagine for her hair. The color is still wrong, though. I imagine Aurora wearing a lot of light fabrics and sundresses, although obviously strapless isn't very practical. 

Aurora3

This is the color I imagine for her hair, although maybe a little peachier. Just a very light, creamy blonde.

Autumn

Autumn2

Autumn was very easy to do. There were long, auburn hairstyles a-plenty, and lots of outfits that suited her fitted, diva-ish style. The only thing was that they didn't have any olive-skinned girl bodies.

Novel1

Novel2

Both of these looks are pretty accurate for how I imagine Novel's character. She's casual, yet stylish. The hair is pretty accuate too, especially the second one. She has very long hair and hazel eyes, and apparently wears alot of purple.

Maria1

Yes, Maria is black and has red hair. Don't ask me how it works.

Ayla1

Ayla is more of an antagonistic character. Her style is punk and somewhat gothic. She's the ex-girlfriend of the main guy character, Mion.

Lolita1

Lolita is more of a minor character, but a lot of the clothes and hair suited her. She works at a bar and is quite the little tart.

Mion1

Hunter1

Julian1

Andrew1

All the guy clothes suck, but for some reason I can't pinpoint what it is about all of them that I don't like, or what is missing.

I couldn't make a single doll based on Emerald that I was happy with. There were some green hairstyles, but they were all very bright and pixie-ish. Emerald is a troubled girl with medium-length olive green hair. There was just nothing that suited her at all. Anyway, it was a well spent afternoon...!

"Watchmen" made almost $56 million at the box office this weekend. Have you seen, or do you plan to see, this edgy superhero flick?

Watchmen

I saw Watchmen on opening night with my friend Justin and his dad. Justin had lent me the graphic novel beforehand, but I never got around to reading it as I rarely manage to pull myself away from my computer. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was a very good movie - although I could tell that there was alot missing (as with Harry Potter, and Twilight, etc.). The style is brilliant, the acting is amazing and the plot is layered and intricate. I noticed a lot of things seeing it the second time around (which I did with Chris and his friend three days later on cheap movie night) that I hadn't the first time, like how many pictures The Comedian has of the original Silk Spectre in his apartment.

My friend Mallory, who has also read the graphic novel, and whose dad is a comic geek and owns a movie theatre, thinks the movie sucked. Justin, who loves to critique movies, thought it was great and that the change in the ending of the movie was a good idea - it made it less farfetched, in a way.

I tend not to share my opinions on movies all that much unless I saw it with Chris, because Mallory and Justin's criticisms, conviction and knowledge about things intimidate me. But here it is. :P

On a side note, a couple funny things: When I met Justin and his dad at the theatre, Justin was playing ITG in the arcade and his dad was saving seats in the theatre. Some teenager took one of the guns attached to one of the games nearby and was pretending to shoot Justin. I don't know if he noticed. When Justin finished the round he was on, he looked around the column behind the game opposite to the side I was standing on to look for me in the crowd upstairs. Then a younger boy who was with the teenager asked him why he sometimes used his hands to hit the arrows on ITG, and Justin tried to explain it to him but is pretty sure he didn't get it. After that exchange was over, I said "Hi," and Justin, surprised, said "Oh! I thought you were one of that kid's little friends." As his dad said, he's so observant.

Then Justin discovered that he had lost one of the movie tickets. However, he did have a ticket for Paul Blart: Mall Cop that he found stuck in the ticket machine, so I said we should just try and get in by putting the Watchmen ticket in the front and hope that the ticket guy didn't look at the second ticket, which was for a movie time that was already past. He did. We told him we had lost one of the tickets, so he told us to just go up to the counter and get a voucher. When we came back, Justin apologized profusely to the ticket guy for like 5 minutes because he was so embarrassed for trying to pull a fast one on him. It was funny. I told Justin he needed to do more bad things in his life and/or get out more.